Cult of Cthulhu Bible Review, Part 2

Some of you might be wondering whether to buy the Cult of Cthulhu Bible, so you can read the parts that Darrick actually wrote. I won’t tell you not to, but I think I should provide some sample passages to show you what views you’re subsidizing if you do.

The Cult of Cthulhu is against animal sacrifice, even
though several traditions use the death of animals to fuel
their spells.

On the other hand, we are in favor of human sacrifice. At
the moment it is illegal to kill human beings in order to
energize one’s magic and appease the Old Ones. As soon
as this law is done away with, however, human sacrifice
will resume just as it did millennia ago.

Lest anyone think he’s just being theoretical, here’s another passage:

If a non-believer thrice crosses a Cthulhu Cultist, then it is permissible to kill that non-believer in the name of our Drowned Lord. Before beheading, slitting the throat, or otherwise murdering them, gaze into their eyes (if possible) and speak to them these words:

“Remember yourself… be this moment… and Awaken.”

This litany at least gives the non-believer a chance to experience a moment of wakefulness before death.

That’s mighty generous of him, isn’t it?

What better to spice up a book about ritual murder than some blatant sexism of the “middle school boy’s fantasy” variety?

In times of ritual sex, Yog Sothoth may work through the priesthood. When the Old One has been called up, the Cultist may fertilize a female laid upon the altar. The hellishly consumed celebrant will become a vessel for Yog Sothoth just as the waiting female will become a vessel for the Cultist; thus replenishing humanity with Their unwholesome seed.

Lest you think Darrick is just someone who’s watched The Dunwich Horror with Dean Stockwell too many times, here are his thoughts on relationships:

If a Cultist wants to engage in a legal marriage, then that’s his business. However, a magician should have the option of taking multiple concubines, girlfriends, or “wives” if he wishes. Why not more pleasure for the hardened warrior?

As portrayed in the Cult of Cthulhu Bible, women are apparently good for nothing but ritual impregnation or the physical enjoyment of the male “hardened warrior,” whoever that is.

Does the book have any merits? I wish I could say it does. The basic message is that we are asleep and we need to awaken. Once we do, we are free to believe absolutely anything we want, so long as we accept that Darrick is the voice of the Old Ones, who will arise to bring about a holocaust of blood and slaughter across this planet soon. The same message is repeated ad nauseam throughout the book. Darrick’s real accomplishment is layering enough purple prose, derivative Mythos imagery, quotations, and apocalyptic statements on top of his philosophy that many people won’t realize it’s a combination of The Matrix with pop New Age ideas.

The question is, of course, whether I dislike this book or the Necronomicon more. I’d have to say “Simon’s” book is superior in every way. At least some effort and research was put into making that one look scary. Trust me – I’ve read some pretty shoddy stuff in my time, and Darrick’s book is near the bottom of that list.

UPDATE:  More here.

Published in: on January 5, 2007 at 12:06 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Have you ever noticed that such views of women are usually expressed by persons who wouldn’t know what to do with one if given the chance?

    Just saying.



  2. I have. I just thought it would be better off if I wasn’t the one to say it.

  3. wow, there was more to your “review”?!?

    i’m very glad you didn’t like it, dan… that it was clearly above you. proves my point entirely.

    also, for the record, i’m not a misogynist. i’m a misanthrope. and i’ve been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for nearly 4 years.

    Cthulhu Cult:

    Venger Satanis
    Cult of Cthulhu High Priest

  4. “However, a magician should have the option of taking multiple concubines, girlfriends, or “wives” if he wishes. Why not more pleasure for the hardened warrior?”

    Magician(mage?)-Warrior… One person being the warrior and the mage at the same time… Oh my Cthulhu! This guy encourages MULTICLASSING! oh, the horror. How disgusting.

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