Delta Green Assistance

I’m prepping for a new Delta Green campaign that I’m cautiously optimistic about. Nonetheless, I need the help of my readership.

What I need you to do is to leave in the comments the bitchiest comments you’ve ever heard about someone’s appearance – dress, shoes, hair, weight, complexion, whatever. The caveats:

  • Each statement must be able to be passed off as inadvertent. Thus, outright savaging someone is out, but “My, those knockoffs are looking more authentic all the time” or “Laundry day is such a trial, isn’t it?” or “Darling, Sears has a new plus-size collection you must look into” or “Why don’t you take these old things from my closet?” are fair game.
  • Comments that apply to men, or women, or both sexes are fine.

For the record, I think all of my readers are beautiful or handsome the way they are; I’m just trying to portray a particular mindset.

    What does this have to do with Delta Green? Well, Pagan headman Adam Scott Glancy will vouch for the fact that the post-millennial setting will ditch flying saucers and Nazis for fashion and cutting comments. At least he will when his check arrives.

    Published in: on February 16, 2008 at 3:05 pm  Comments (9)  

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    9 CommentsLeave a comment

    1. One of my old favorites is, in response to anything particularly moronic (or at least percieved that way), “Your *what* hurts?” said with just a bit of aggressive irony.

      Moron: “That Simon is probably the world’s greatest authority of Lovecraft.”

      Snark: “Your what hurts?”

    2. Of couse, that has absolutely no application in regards to appearances.

      *smacks forehead*

    3. The character Twist in “Spaced” is quite good for this sort of thing.

      “Big’s in this season.”
      “I can really see what you were trying to do.”

    4. Hm. Let’s see:

      “Your haircut is so daring. I don’t think I could disregard the shape of my face like that.”

      “I love how your perfume always announces you’re coming! I never have to guess who it is.”

      “It’s so kind of you to support Goodwill with your wardrobe dollars as much as you do.”

      “I like how you’ve opted for the brainy look, instead of getting contact lenses. You should keep those eyes a mystery!”

      In the ballpark? I think a little more–or a little less–coffee might help my snark…

    5. “new clothes? If I did not know better I would have thought you had an eating disorder”

    6. “shaved with the light off this morning did we?”

    7. I like a man who bucks the trend, a combover really suits you.

      You have the cutest…squint/buckteeth/overbite pokey out ears, you shouldn’t dream about getting it fixed.

    8. My buddy actually used this line once on a girl:
      “are you naturally that thin, or do you have anorexia?”

      He thought it had pick-up line potential…

    9. I actually heard all these said:

      “What’s SHE supposed to be?”

      “It stinks in here!’ after someone entered the room.

      “Soap is cheap.” Loudly in the direction of some stranger.

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